its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
