so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
