Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
