I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
