I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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