I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
