Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
