she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Come share oat with me in your robe
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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