After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
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