ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize