im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Randomize
