OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Randomize
