Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
