I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
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