My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
