How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
