Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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