Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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