she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
