i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
