I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
