after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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