Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
