dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
