Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
My ATM looks so different sober.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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