id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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