batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
