The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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