There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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