Sober January is a disaster.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
