you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
