even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
