I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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