FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Your cock deserves a montage
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Randomize
