Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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