Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
