Kelly, is this rhetorical, or sarcastic? You are very kind & quite beautiful, but we never really evolved into anything & your prevailing ambivalence spoke more than words ever could.
"We" really do not exist-if we ever did. Both of us may have been hoping for more than was possible.
I would enjoy sitting down to talk about the dissolution, but think it may end up being counter productive.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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