Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
