Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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