It's a beautiful day for a hangover
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
