I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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