Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
What drink are we having for lunch?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
