Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
