omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
