found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
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