I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
