JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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