Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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