I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
