the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
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