i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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