Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
