There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
