he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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