At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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