i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Randomize
